Hi awak..
Waaa.. awak tau, sy dah lupe ID ape sy pakai untuk blog ni.. boleh? Jenuh sy try tadi mcm².. tu la, sape suh bnyk sgt bukak blog kan hehe..
Awak tau, tadi mase bukak balik blog ni, baru sy pasan, dah dekat 2 tahun dah sy tak tulis kat sini. Bnyk bende sy nak citer kat awak.. tp sy sedar satu bende, sumer bende yg sy nak citer kat awak berkenaan ngan someone.. =(
First things first.. awak pe kabo ye skrg? Mesti anak dah ramai kan awak? Sy kdg tu bile tingt kat awak, terpk jugak, camne la muke anak awak eh? Cam awak ke? Cam wife awak ke? Klau sy terjumpe, bleh ke tak ye sy cam?
Hmm.. sy tau, soklan yg sy takkan tau jawapannye.. tp kan dulu sy selalu tanye jugak pasal awak klau tulis surat. time tu, awak pun akan tanye pasal sy.. tp dlm blog ni, cume ade one way communication je kat sini kan..
Takpe lah.. nak wat camne kan..
Awak.. sy sebenarnye dah 2-3 hari dah terpk nak bukak balik blog ni sbb ade bende yg sy nak citer. Sy tatau nak citer kat sape, sy cume ade awak je dulu.. dan illusion yg sy still ade awak (as my bestfriend dulu la..) sekarang..
Weekend aritu, sy gi Perlis ikut kwn kite sorg tu. Yg exhousemate sy tu, awak kenal punye. Kitorang sbnrnye nak gi beraye kat umah junior kitorg and lepas tu, junior sy yg dtg ni plak ade la ajak gi Padang Besar so sy mengikut je sbb sy actually takde kete pun time tu (long story!).
Mase kitorg otw pegi and also mase kitorg kat Padang Besar, sy just try to enjoy myself la sbb dah lame tak gi Padang Besar and terase mau la jugak tgk² ape yg ade. Not once sy terpk pasal awak..
..until a few days ago!
Somehow, tetibe sy teringat something. Awak ingt tak a few years ago, mase awak dah nak abis MSc awak and sy baru merangkak nak try, awak penah ajak sy gi Padang Besar ngan awak and mak awak. Mase tu, awak just nak sy kenal ngan family awak, esp mak awak?
What suprised me was sepanjang kat sana, sy tak teringt langsung pasal ni.. as opposed to mase sy gi Langkawi a few years back di mane sy asyik teringt kat awak je sepangjang mase ade kat sane sbb tringat janji awak nak bwk sy gi sane. Sy ingt lagi mase gi Langkawi 1st time tu, sy tak leh stop pk yg awak penah janji nak jadi the first person to take me there.. okay la, janji tu mcm a big word, tp awak penah la ade hasrat camtu but it never happened sbb just a few months later, we stopped talking to each other. It was a bittersweet experience for me sbb sy enjoy pegi sane but I also felt a bit sad sbb sy pegi bkn ngan awak.. =(
Anyway, tu citer dulu.. klau ikutkan pattern, sepatutnye time sy gi Pdg Besar aritu, sy mesti la kene ingt kat awak kan? But funnily, the whole time I was thinking of someone else..
..yg somehow, also has broken my heart..
Awak, how come sy ni asyik buat silap je when it comes to my heart?
Bile sy bace balik entry dulu², I realize dah lame dah rupenye sy suke kat budak ni.. and selame itulah jugak dia tak penah pk lebih pasal sy more that a friend.. mcm awak lah kot ye?
Skrg ni, we're not talking..
..and I wish we were..
Sy tiap hari tringt kat dia, awak tau.. sy tiap mlm sblm tido pk pasal dia, hoping that he's thinking of me.. apasal la sy ni suke sgt buat kat diri sy sendiri camni?
I think its good, yg sebenanrnye sy dah get over awak.. tp, its like kuar mulut buaye masuk mulut rimau la kan.. only, korg idak le bahaye gitu.
Sy nak sgt citer kat someone, tp awak tau la sy.. bile bende yg btul² bg kesan kat hati sy, sy tak pandai nak share. Mcm skrg ni pun, bile dlm kepale sy, sy rase mcm bnyk bende sy nak tulis n citer kat awak ni and bile sy pk, sy rase cam hati sy ni makin hari makin shattered.. tp once sy duk dpn pc ni, sy cam tak boleh nak really write about how I feel..
I wish I could take a look into your heart..
..just to see who owns it
I wish I'd have a chance explore your mind..
..just to see who fills it
I wish I could take a peek into your soul..
..just to see who colours it
I wish I could take a stroll into your dreams..
..just to see who holds your hand through it
Sy tulis bende ni satu mlm mase sy tingt kat dia.. hahah, sy tau, sy nye ayat tidak la bagus sgt, tp ini bende yg lahir dari hati sy.
Tatau la awak, sy mcm naik giler dah ni..
..sy nak tido lah.. mate sy pedih dok nangis je dari tadi (Ye, perangai suke nagis sy masih blum ubah..)
Awak take care ye..
Wassalam
Me,
~SpiderGirl~
